"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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