GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
