its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
