After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
