I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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