omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
