Your face is a jimmy john
Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize