Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
