oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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