I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
