I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
