My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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