saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
