Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize