You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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