Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
