he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize