I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
