First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
