I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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