The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
