You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize