Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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