im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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