I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
