mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
