eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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