I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
