shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
My sheets look like a crime scene.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
