Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
