So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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