the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
