phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
