we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
