Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
