Will you blow on my dice?
the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
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