The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Randomize
