it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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