Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Oh god it's open bar.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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