dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
Randomize
