I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Those nachos came to me in a dream
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
