we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
