Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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