just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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