Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
