maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize