What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
