I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
