Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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