He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
