I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
