yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
