pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
And then he peed in my hair
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