Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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