So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
