I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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