dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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