Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
