I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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