You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
