There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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