Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
