And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
