the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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