FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
