you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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