i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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