Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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