I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I skipped work to stalk him.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
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