Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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