Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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