Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
