Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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