The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Panties = found
Randomize
