He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
