things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
