I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
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