Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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