It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
