Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize