i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I'm both gender and math confused
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
