Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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