so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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