It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
