he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
