I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize