Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
