I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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