1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
