meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Drunk is not a location!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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