We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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