He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Randomize
