And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
