i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
