i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
