Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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