My friends, they love my intelligence
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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