Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
