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Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I just blew my weed a kiss
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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