On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
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