i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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