he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize