I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
